Changes

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

― Dorothy Parker

And that, my friends, is my problem. Makes me think I should pick up some of old Dorothy’s books and see what she managed to churn out in spite of herself. I’ve been told I’m a good writer, but to be honest, sometimes it’s hard to make myself do it, even though I like the results. Well, sometimes. But I guess like any other hobby/pastime/passion/whatever, no matter how much you enjoy something, it can become a chore at times. You just have to push through that, and keep your eyes on the good times ahead. Kind of like bikers in the winter. Sure, your fingertips get numb, and your whole body is tense, but on some level, the ride itself is still fun, or you wouldn’t do it. So you push through, waiting anxiously for warmer weather.

I do want to write more. Once upon a time, I wrote nearly every day. I keep saying I’m going to do that again. I also keep saying I’m going to do some other things more, too. It’s well past time for talking about it, and I’m getting a pretty late start at the actual doing. It’s time to put up or shut up. Fish or cut bait. Shit or get off the pot.

I’m inspired by a friend. She made a list of changes she wanted to make in her life, and created an Instagram account to post about it and to hold herself accountable. She has a hundred things on her list, and is adding one each day, then accounting for how she implements the new habits, and how she’s maintaining them all as time goes on.

While I applaud my friend, and enjoy her posts, I know myself well enough to know that that level of both detail and obligation (even self-imposed) would just backfire and basically push me away. So, I’m following her inspiration, but with my own spin.

So, in no particular order, here’s my own list, with accompanying commentary.

·         Write.
I used to write blog posts a few times a week. I’m going to get back to that. I think I also want to try to work in some more fiction. I may not post the fiction, at least not immediately, but I’d like to work up to writing at least an hour per day average. Life happens, so obviously actual time spent will fluctuate, and if I end up doing more on a regular basis, that’s even better.

·         Exercise
I’m solidly into middle age, and terribly out of shape, so in the interest of realism, I’m not looking at any bodybuilding competitions or marathons or whatever. Just trying to get my ass in motion and feel better in general. Maybe as I improve, I’ll develop more ambitious goals, but for now, I’m looking to grind out a walk and/or some pushups and situps/crunches every day.

·         Read
I used to be this guy who had a book in his lunchbox to read on break at work, another book or magazine on the coffee table to pick up during commercials while watching TV, and one on the nightstand for pre-sleep reading. Then along came the internet and close on its heels, social media. Then easy streaming  bingeing of TV shows and movies. I actually fell out of the habit of reading for a while. I’m reading more now, but I’d like to expand it. So, I’m committing to an hour per day (not counting what reading I do on break at work). I’ve never been good about reading nonfiction, so I’m looking to bump that up too. Part of the commitment is to read at least one chapter a day of nonfiction. Honestly, this is probably going to be the easiest part of the whole program.

·         Stay current on correspondence
When I got my first smartphone, I thought it would help me stay in touch and up to date with communication. Nah, it helped me waste even more time with its easy access to things like Facebook and Twitter. Sure, I can read emails during the day when I’m nowhere near my computer. But then I decide that a reply will be easier on the full sized keyboard at home. And I promptly forget to go back and write that reply. As a result, I have a backlog of emails and Messenger messages waiting my attention. So, the goal here is to fix that and to stay on top of the messages. I’ll work out some sort of system. Maybe set aside a day a week to make sure I catch up on anything I’ve put off over the previous seven days.

·         Less “TV”
The quotation marks indicate that TV means all those things I use the TV for: Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, DVDs. Movies, shows, all of it. The goal is to limit it to an hour a day. This will honestly probably fluctuate a bit, too, and that’s okay. I’ll also make exceptions for days I’m stuck at home sick, and obviously if I decide to watch a movie that will go over the time. I think in this case, the spirit of the law is more important than the letter of the law.

·         Disconnect more from the phone
I’ve become more addicted to my phone than a teenage girl, and that needs to stop for a number of reasons. I took a couple of steps already. A few months ago, I deleted the Facebook app. That alone reduced my phone screen time. I just started a new job where we’re not allowed to have phones on our person while working, so that’s been a big help in making this particular adjustment, too. I can’t reach for the phone just because I have thirty seconds of space to fill.

I’m hoping that writing out this list and posting it online will help bolster my commitment to making some improvements. I started out trying to push myself to write more, and look at this. An all-around self improvement plan. Who knew writing could also make you a better person?

I know this is kind of a boring blog post, but I guess I’m trying to rehab my writer’s legs. Gotta crawl before I can walk, right?


Wish me luck, y’all. Here I goooooo……


P.S. I know it’s a big no-no because of SEO and original content and all, but I’m doing a copy and paste of this onto both of the blogs I’m maintaining. These are www.ridinandwritin.blogspot.com and www.handgrenadesandhorseshoes.blogspot.com. Whichever one you’re reading this on, take a few minutes and check out my other writing on the other blog.

P.P.S Thanks for the inspiration, BW. Thanks for the occasional written kick in the ass to help motivate me, too.

New Me At 43 May Update

... a bit late, eh?

Sadly, I fell flat on ALL fronts this month. However, my parents were just here for a visit. What does this have to do with it, you ask? I'm glad you asked.

See, my dad was always a bit "round" in the middle, and I teased him about it most of my life. Not in a mean way; just jokingly.

Well, it's backfired. No, I didn't find out he'd been taking it wrong and I'd been hurting his feelings all this time. It backfired in that he's lost weight. And. I. Now. Outweigh. Him.

Only, he's a few inches taller than me, which makes my fat that much worse.

So, the upside is that I have new motivation. And if I'm gonna be motivated with the weight loss, dammit, I can do the same with the rest of it.

Stay tuned. I may even not post Junes' update in such a procrastinatory fashion.






Yes, I made that word up. Sue me.

"New Me" Progress Report - Month Two

Two months in. Plus a week or so. I'd procrastinate, if I ever got around to it. Anyway, time for a progress report. It's a mixed bag this month, folks, but mainly positive.

• Social Media: Still chipping away at this one. I'm probably generally at the same level as last month, but I feel I'm making slow progress at reducing my time spent there. Still spending too much time in front of the TV, but The Other Half and I were talking about that the other day. We're both going to make an effort to reduce our TV watching. More time reading and (for me) writing.
• Weight loss/Fitness: I can actually report good things here. I've lost around 10 pounds. Not great, I know - I'd like to lose at least another twenty, but it's progress. I've cut out almost all my workday snacking (aside from the occasional slip in willpower). I also finally motivated myself to fix the tire on my bicycle! I've only ridden a couple of times, and not at a level that I would consider a "workout", but anything burns more calories than riding the couch, right? Plus, every time, I was sore the next day, so I must have been working some muscles, eh?
• More work done on the clutter. Got some books boxed up and we're putting them on Craig's List. Also, moved one bookcase (of three) upstairs to the bedroom to de-clutter the living room a bit. While we were at it, we moved the entertainment center and the coffee table to the garage to give Baby Girl more room to develop her burgeoning walking skills. Losing three major pieces of furniture from our small living room really opened it up. 
• I've managed to keep a much more positive attitude at work, too. Sometimes it takes an exertion of willpower, but I'm hoping the "not hating" will become second nature soon.
• Again, about the writing. With The Other Half also committing to less TV, I think it's going to be easier for me to motivate myself to write more. Knock on wood, cross fingers.
• Drinking. Ah, that. Well, I think I really spoke too soon on that "resolution". I don't think there was a need to go a year. I had one night where I lost control, and I believe I over reacted to it. I went 60 days without a drop of alcohol, and no urges for it. I believe I proved to myself that I don't have a problem, and that's all I really needed to do. I've been drinking again for about a week, but not even every night. Judge if you want, but like I said, I only really need to answer to myself.
• Also - one of my projects that I've had on the back burner for a long time is near completion. I'm waiting on parts, so to speak. I'll probably post about it once it's complete.

So, that's it for now. I'll hopefully find time for some bicycling and bring down my weight some more, and I'm pretty sure there will be many more posts here before it's time for the next monthly update.

Stay tuned.

"New Me" Progress Report - One Month

I’m one month into my “New Me At Age Forty Three” endeavor.

So far:

• I have indeed managed to spend less time on social media. However, I’ve only made progress on one project that I had planned. Seems Netflix has taken all the time I was spending on social networks. So, I need to work on that one.
• I’ve lost a couple of pounds. I’m not saying how few, because I’ve been slack on the exercise part, so it’s a bit embarrassing. I need to replace the tube on my bicycle tire and get back to riding that like I did last year before Central Texas became a Blazing Inferno Of Hell.
• My diet is … well, let’s say I probably still need some work in that area.
• Thirty one days into my self imposed year of alcohol abstinence. I find myself wanting a drink, but not in an “Oh my god, I have to have a drink now” way. More like in a “I want pizza for dinner” way. And honestly, the urge to eat pizza is stronger than the desire for a drink. I quit smoking recently enough to clearly remember what withdrawal feels like, so I don’t think I have a drinking problem. However, I’ll still make more progress on my goals for the year if I don’t drink, so it is what it is.
• The clutter: I actually got started on that point last night. I’ll continue cleaning, organizing and paring down. It feels better already, having just started.
• Work hasn’t changed much. I just have to realize that people are never going to have respect for the organization of “my” Receiving Room. I just have to accept that the first part of my day will always be cleaning up the mess the closing shift left the night before.
• Finally, writing more. I’ve actually written less this month, I think. Maybe the lack of alcohol? Not that bourbon does my writing, but liquor is called a social lubricant for a reason - it gets conversation started, whether that conversation is spoken or written. Plus, the TV/Netflix thing again. Maybe I need to schedule a time for blog writing.

So, there’s my progress report. I wonder how I’ll be doing eleven months from now?

New Me At Age Forty Three

It's December 26^th as I write this. This time of year, a lot of bikers the world over (or at least in the Northern Hemisphere) take the opportunity of winter to rebuild or repaint or otherwise re-do their bikes. My bike is running great, no need for paint, either, and here in Texas we ride year round anyway. However, I'm about to start an even bigger rebuild project. On myself.

First, let me say that I'm opposed to New Year's Resolutions. Everybody makes them; hardly anybody follows through on them. The only New Year's Resolution I ever kept was about fifteen or twenty years ago when my resolution was to never make another New Year's Resolution. I'm still going strong on that one. So, this isn't one of those. However, my birthday is the 27^th of December, and honestly, that means more to me than flipping the page on a calendar, anyway. I'm gonna build a new me at age forty three.

It's time for me to trim some excesses in some areas and to build up other areas of my life. I've spent a lot of my life sort of spinning my wheels, wasting time. Not terrible on a Saturday afternoon when you have no plans, but not so good when that Saturday turns into your twenties, then your thirties, then runs into your forties. There are things I keep thinking I'll do “one day”. Well, on the back side of the big 4-0, you start to realize “one day” isn't guaranteed. It's time to put up or shut up.

First up: I'm taking a break from drinking. I've been doing it more lately and it's just become a distraction from other things I want to accomplish. I've also had some instances where I didn't realize just how much I'd had until way too late. I'm 42, not 22; I don't need that. I think I need to reboot and recalibrate that internal gauge that says “Hey dude, you've had enough – back off”. Starting on my birthday, I'm going going a full year totally 100% sober. No alcohol at all. Birthday to birthday. Which, actually, since this is Leap Year, will be like a year and a day, but that's okay. I don't think it's a serious problem, because I don't have to drink. If I find that going dry for a year is a real challenge, then I'll address it as a problem, but I think a simple reboot is all I need. That, and being able to focus on other things.

Next on the list: I recently had my first physical exam since I got out of the Navy. Which was twenty years ago. The only real surprise I got was that there were no major issues. I'm out of shape, which I knew. The doctor said I should probably lose about ten to fifteen pounds, but I've put on thirty since I quit smoking a couple years ago, so that's what I'm going to shoot for. My cholesterol is high, but he said if I start exercising and watch what I eat I should be able to avoid medication. We'll see at the next check up.

I'm always saying I want to start exercising more. Well, now I have my motivation. I need to lose the weight and get the cholesterol down. Also, it would be nice if my back didn't ache 90% of the time. I'd really like to stop making old man noises every time I stand up, too.

I used to read all the damn time. There have been times I had a book I was reading on my lunch breaks at work, a book on my nightstand I'd read before bed, and maybe even a book in the living room that I'd pick up during commercials. I haven't read like that in years. Damn internet. I need to spend less time with “Facebook” and more with “book”.

Which leads to the next point to be trimmed. I'm going to be spending less time on social networking. Facebook is great for keeping in touch with people from all aspects and time periods of my life, but it's also an awful black hole of time. It just sucks me in. I don't think it's a bad thing to spend a few hours on it once in a while, but I'm not going to do it every day anymore. Sadly, this means I'll be stopping a lot of the political and theological debates that I've grown fond of. Those really suck me in, keeping me waiting for someone's rebuttal so that I can retort. I'm not saying I'll never engage in those debates again – they'll just be fewer and farther between. I think I've also been sort of harsh and offensive at times with some of those posts. I'm going to make an effort to soften that a bit. Not that my line of thinking has changed, mind you. I just don't want to alienate anyone. Well, okay – anyone I care about.

Cutting out the social networking will leave me more time for writing. It's funny. For most of my life, I've sort of thought I'd be a writer “one day”. I just always thought it would be fiction. Turns out I don't get much inspiration to write fiction, but I do get these sociopoliticoreligious ideas that beg to be posted to anyone with an internet connection. I'd like to post more often, but I get distracted by Facebook, TV, Jim Beam, etc. If you follow this blog, hopefully you'll have more to read more often now.

I'm going to work on being more conscientious at work, too. For years, I've sort of felt a “me vs them” environment and I've acted accordingly. I feel “they” don't cooperate with me, so I haven't been very cooperative with “them”. It affects my attitude, and I wind up just adding to the negative atmosphere. It's really gotten me nowhere. What I need to do is to accept the situation as something I can't change, and change what I can: my attitude and my reactions. If I can't change them, and I can't really fight them, maybe it's time to rise above them – time to be the better man. It is what it is. Deal with it. Right?

While I work on cleaning up a lot of this mental clutter, I'll take a stab at the physical clutter, too. It's not that I'm a hoarder, and I'm not dirty. I am, however, very sloppy and messy. Time for me to grow the hell up and deal with it.

I've already begun working on my fiscal fitness. My credit was really really bad. Terrible. But I've had a loan on my bike for four years, had a credit card for about six or so. My name is on the lease here. My credit's looking up. On a whim, I applied for a Sears card a few months ago. Holy crap, they approved me! I remember years and years ago, Sears was really picky about who they approved, so I figured I must have done some good credit repair. Then, a couple months ago, I got an offer for a new credit card, with 0% interest on purchases and balance transfers for a year, after which the rate would be 14.99%. Well, hell, my bike loan was already 14.75%, and the credit card was 23% (thanks to a quick rate hike before some new law took effect in 2009). So, I'd be better off after the year was up either way. I applied, and got approved, and for what I considered an astronomical credit limit! I moved my bike loan and my old credit card balances to the new card. So, now, the bike is technically paid off, and I canceled the old card, because it also charged an annual fee. If I buckle down, I can be virtually debt free in a year's time! That'll be a new feeling for me – it's been so long, I can't even remember the last time I wasn't in debt.

Finally, I have a tendency to be depressed or angry when things don't go so much in my favor. I hide it in public, but it's there, beneath the surface. I've heard throughout my life, but I'm starting to believe it more lately, that your thoughts and words can shape your attitude and reactions. I'm going to work on being more positive, and try to guide my thoughts in a better, more productive direction.

So, there we go. Self Improvement, HandGrenades and Horseshoes style.