Attention Custom Bike Builders and/or Riders

I follow several bike blogs, and see a lot of custom stuff. Most good, some not so good. Some just not my taste, but probably good anyway.

Then, there are some real head-scratchers. Things that make ya go "Huh?"

Can someone please tell me what the current fascination is with the narrow-ass handlebars? Some of them aren't as wide as an old school peanut gas tank. It doesn't look like you'd have much leverage, and if you have any shoulders at all, it just seems like you're gonna look like you're grabbing hold of a pogo stick when you ride.


Seriously. Someone please explain it to me.

"-Porn" As A Suffix

“Porn” can mean different things. It’s usually applied to sexual imagery or writing. That’s an appropriate context, and probably the only one considered correct by the people who write and edit dictionaries. However, if you think about what it is that distinguishes porn from what I’ll call for convenience “normal sex”, then you can broaden the definition.

The separation comes from the fact that pornographic photos represent some “ideal”, usually in the form of a woman. Actually, a photo of a woman who’s probably had some “augmentation”; she’s been reworked with makeup, and finally the photos have been modified with editing software. In other words, a modification to fit some sort of fantasy ideal. Porn viewers who are honest with themselves will admit that they know this is something that can never actually be attained. It’s there to enjoy visually, to daydream about maybe.

I’m not a huge fan of pornography myself. Nothing against it. Have at it if it’s your thing. I just never thought of sex as a spectator sport.

However, with the broadened definition, well, now we’re getting to my point. The broadened part being that intent of visual enjoyment and fantasizing.

At some point in the last year, I was introduced to the term “bike porn”. It was after I’d spent an evening reposting pic after pic of cool bikes on facebook. An old friend of mine from the Navy, who is currently without a motorcycle, commented “Enough with the bike porn! You’re driving me crazy!”

Then, I discovered Blogger and Tumblr. I found a lot of blogs that post lots of photos of custom motorcycles that I’d love to have/ride/build. These, too, have been repainted, had their frames and suspensions modified, they sometimes only bear a vague resemblance to their stock form. However, much like the sex starved man who will never be with the porn star, I know I’ll never have these bikes. Which is fine - I’m actually very happy with my current ride. But still, it’s nice to dream, eh?

Same with tattoo blogs. Again, with the changing and customizing of the body to fit a desired appearance. This one’s a little different, though - more attainable. I’m pretty heavily tattooed, and I’m not stopping. I really appreciate the artistry and imagery of tattoo.

Thus, “porn” as a suffix. Most of the blogs I follow are either bike-porn or tat-porn.

Ride 'em Don't Hide 'em!

Two pieces in two separate motorcycle magazines, related only because they both referenced Vincent motorcycles got me thinking today.

One was all about the history of this one particular specimen. (Apparently, there are some avid Vincent enthusiasts out there who archive every detail they can about every bike the company made). It goes on about an American and his quest to own a Vincent, then the current owner's quest to obtain it. It was a pretty interesting article, but I won't go into details, mainly because I haven't bothered to get any authorization from the author or the magazine. Anyway, decades after the original owner parked the bike for his last time and covered it with a tarp, it was bought, and brought back to life. The decision was made to leave it as is, with the original tires and everything. Now, I respect not wanting to tart it up and try to make it look like it just rolled off the dealership floor. But the sad thing, which really upsets me, is that there is NO intention of riding it. Blah, blah, blah... need to preserve blah blah blah ... future generations ... yada yada yada...

Come on, by my estimate (which is based on absolutely no real information), approximately one quarter of all Vincents ever made are being "preserved for future generations to appreciate". Fuck that. It's a motorcycle! Ride the damn thing or sell it to someone who will. It wasn't designed and manufactured to be preserved. It's a machine, and taken out of its context, it loses its identity. It becomes statuary. If you want a sculpture of a motorcycle, hire a sculptor; it's probably cheaper than buying and restoring a Vincent anyway.


The other was a letter in another magazine, referring to a previous issue. This other magazine had run an article on Falcon Motorcycles, who created a sweet custom bike based on a Vincent. The letter writer was offended that the builders would desecrate what he considered to be some holy grail of motorcycle perfection by modifying it. Guess what, dude? People have been modifying motorcycles since the dawn of motorcycle time. Hell, the existence of motorcycles is owed to people modifying bicycles!

Again - a bike is not a relic, it's not a museum piece - there are plenty of those already. If you have an antique, ride the damn thing or sell or give it to someone who will. I can understand not making it a daily rider due to reliability, comfort or parts availability issues, but don't turn your garage or living room into a shrine.

I understand some folks want to hold things like antique motorcycles sacred, but let's be honest: sacred cows make the best burgers. Anyone hungry?