Works For Me

So, I’m 47 years old and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I know – it’s a popular joke, but in my case, it’s the truth. I’ve tried several many, jobs, but rarely do they turn out to be something I can both enjoy and earn a living with.

 

 I actually don’t like working.

I know  - no one does; that’s why they have to pay you to do it. I don’t need any feedback telling me “yeah, good luck – you just have to man up and go to work”.

No shit.

I get that.

And to work I go. And I’m generally miserable. I try not to complain, and to put on at least a neutral face if I can’t fake happy. So just know that if you hear me complain about work, it’s because it’s gotten to the point that it makes me miserable. I don’t bother talking about simple dissatisfaction anymore.  I just really don’t know of anything I wouldn’t eventually become miserable doing every day. At least not something I can earn a living from. I had something close, and I stuck with that for over fifteen years, but then that job disappeared like a morning mist when the sun hits it.


I’d even like to find a job where I don’t find myself spending the day in the pattern of

Clock in

Wait for break

Wait for lunch

Escape into social media or a book

Wait for break

Desperately hang on until quitting time

Rinse and repeat five days a week

 

 

 

I haven’t found the thing I can enjoy and actually support myself doing. Some people know just what they want to do. Mechanic, doctor, carpenter, artist. Often it’s something they’d do anyway, as a hobby. For example, my roommate does maintenance on the city’s water system. If he won the lottery or something, he’d be working in his garage, building cars and motorcycles, because he enjoys mechanical work. I know woodworkers and carpenters who’d work on various wood crafts if they didn’t need a job. I knew a welder who welded sculptures in her spare time. I haven’t found the thing that drives me and makes me want to buckle down and just do it for the enjoyment. At least, nothing that can be turned into a paycheck.

The closest I’ve come is my fairly recently realized love for writing. I don’t know if I can make a living at it or not, but I’m going to try to figure out how to maybe at least get some extra cash out of it. I’ve started a new, more focused blog and once it’s going strong, I’ll increase its presence through social media, and see if I can’t maybe get some sponsors, or at least some paid advertising or something. If you want to help a motorcycle obsessed nut job and you like bike related writing, check out http://ridinandwritin.blogspot.com/. I’ll still write here, for things that don’t apply there, and hopefully I have an audience here, too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it as a writer some day. Probably not, but fuck it. I’m gonna write whether I get paid or not.