Thursday, November 3, 2011

Motorcycle Wordplay

Please, please, please stop using the following terminology. It just makes you sound fucking stupid.

  1. Front fork.
    Seriously. Where the hell else is there a fork? Sure, I know there are some internal pieces, but they’re specified (shifter fork). We know it’s not a rear fork, so just drop the “front” - it’s redundant and useless.
  2. Rear swingarm.
    Same damn thing. Okay, a few months ago, I read an article on a Bimota that’s using a front swingarm, but it’s probably the only one in existence. Maybe some of BMW’s front suspensions are close, but even they don’t consider the telelever and paralever to be swingarms. So, until some rip in the space/time continuum happens and the Bimota design becomes standard, let’s just say “swingarm”, and leave the word “rear” out of it. Or else I’m going to start talking about my front headlight.
  3. “Assless chaps”.
    Don’t. Just don’t say it. I don’t care if you wear them, hate them, laugh at them, think they’re only for leather-fetish gay men or for rodeo cowboys. It’s redundant. By definition, chaps ARE ASSLESS. If they had an ass, they’d be PANTS!! What, next you’re going to talk about sleeveless vests? Oh, I know: check out my new legless T shirt.
Okay, I’m done with my language related rant. For now. As always, I reserve the right to return to this topic and rant more when (not if) I encounter more dumb word usage.

… like saying “8:00 a.m. in the morning”. As if there’s an 8:00 a.m. in the evening? Oh, hell. Don’t get me started again…

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